we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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