OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
