garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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