I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
