and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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