Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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