I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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