your parents love me but you hate me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
