Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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