either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
