No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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