I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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