Betty ford says i'm here all night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
