did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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