so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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