Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
