mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was born a porn star she said
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
