Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
