dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
