I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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