I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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