It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
