did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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