So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
