There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
