I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's always time for handjobs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
