I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
