Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
be right there i have to get my cape
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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