It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
