I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize