You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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