physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize