It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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