Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
