Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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