We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
