I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
