I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
not ubering you a puppy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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