Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize