Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
