dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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