i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
