remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize