actually, I'm a sock model
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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