so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck appropriateness.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize