youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize