so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
