you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
