She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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