Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
