So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
