Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
