Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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