so explain again why im purple
no
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize