Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
