cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
