I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
