i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
not ubering you a puppy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
