She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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