You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
