There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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