no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
