I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
