just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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