I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
