textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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