I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize