I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
