I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
