Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
