Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
