Can i not drive my cunt home
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
