Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
