the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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