So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
