I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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