i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
