and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
